it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
