Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
