I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
