why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
3pm strippers are depressing
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
