Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
