Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
