I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
