I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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