So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
