had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
