Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
