I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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