girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
