I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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