just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
