You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
