There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
