There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
