i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
