A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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