Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
