well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
