a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
