I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
