Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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