plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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