So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
