I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
