Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
