Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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