He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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