dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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