Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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