don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
