i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
