I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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