T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
