I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
