1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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