I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
