you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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