Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My vagina is officially offended.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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