I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
