I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
