Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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