This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
