Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
