Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
