ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think i have two assholes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
