dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
