How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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