His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
