Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
